Vow

I’ve been pretty busy lately with work and unpacking among other things, so I haven’t had as much time to do things I’d like to do like blog and work on a number of side projects I’ve been trying to get off the ground for what seems like forever. Whenever this happens I usually get a little down, which is the case in this instance. To the point where I’ve been pretty unmotivated to do anything I don’t absolutely have to do (like work. can’t not do that.). This is another reason for the lack of posting here and also for the past week or so at powet. Powet’s been eating up a good chunk of time as well, but thats the point of being a part of it; to spend time doing something I like.

I keep thinking about where my life is at the moment and can’t help but be dissatified. Not that things, aren’t going well. Thats entirely not the case. I’m now living in a fantastic house with two roommates I get along with really well. If I look back one year ago, I’m doing signicantly better now in the working world. I have a much better handle on the technologies I work with and how to use them and I think I’m getting better every day or at least I’m trying to make that happen. I’m also going out more with friends and generally enjoying life more.

I have a problematic mindset that no matter what I have done or how far I have come, I still think I could have done better or should be further along than where I am. You cannot imagine the grief and burden that this state of mind gives someone. Its sort of like waking up some random morning asking yourself, “Is this it? Is this the best you can do? Where are you going? What are you doing? Do you even know? Whats the point? Is this even going to make you happy? Is this what your life has come to?” Its like asking yourself that, but every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed. Because of this I get fits of depression (among other reasons) and fits of brilliance. Usually the depression, which in turn kickstarts the brilliance.

Coincidentally, I have a Garbage song stuck in my head, Vow. Its sort of a good representation of what I’m talking about. Being down can really burn you out and push you to get out of it and do whatever needs to get done to take over the world or whatever else are in the plans.

Don’t think of it as a promise. Think of it as a plan.

Don’t call it a comeback. I’ve been here for years.