Nothing Personal

There are many readers of this blog and I only know for sure who a handful of them are. That is on purpose. I don’t want to know. If I knew who some of my audience might be, then I might pander to their needs and this blog would no longer be as honest or as reflective of me as it should. I don’t expect people to talk to me about personal stuff that I post on here. Just because its up for display, doesn’t mean its up for public discussion. Its here for me to vent and share with you or as is more commonly the case, to enjoy and share with you. I’ve always wanted to be a source of inspiration to other people and very much not a burden.

Most of the readers of this blog know that I don’t really post that much personal stuff on here. What most of the readers do not know is that is because there is very little that happens to me personally. I went through so many depressions when I was younger that I’m avoidant of anything that could onset more. I avoid drama like the plague and for the most part I am drama-free and have been for quite a while. Probably the only personal thing that has happened to me in over a year is that I went on a date last month for the first time in probably about 6 years. It doesn’t seem that it led anywhere, sadly. And while that may seem a little depressing, I have to say I’ve never been happier than I have been in the past couple years. I’m very thankful for my job, my house, my roommates, and most especially my friends. I am particularly proud of some recent projects that I’ve been contributing to, most especially To me this project is the culmination of everything I’ve done on the internet since I first gained access in my sister’s dorm room at college and found a Transformers fan page. This project was a long time coming.

Today I played frisbee with my friends, as we do every Saturday at noon-thirty, rain or shine or hail or sleet. Today was particularly hot. Afterwards, we went to Sammy Jo’s and got ice cream, as we do after frisbee everyweek. We have many standing traditions these days. I probably should have gotten a slush instead, but I went for the Death by Chocolate. By the time I made it home, I had a raging migraine, so I laid down, but couldn’t fall asleep, instead sweating profusely on my bed in my overly warm room. We are hopefully getting AC units tomorrow. I finally ended up puking up what must have been the ice cream about an hour ago and felt a little better, but kept an ice bag on while I sat down to watch the tail end of a movie my roommate Suzanne was watching. The Shape of Things. It had a really messed up ending that Suzanne made a comment about off-hand on her way into the kitchen when the credits started rolling. I’m not sure I could disagree more, but being the avoidant person I am, I simply went upstairs in my room to sweat some more.

At this point, I’m feeling a bit better having gotten sick and all, but I clearly wasn’t in a condition to handle a movie like that at that moment and I felt like I needed to talk to someone. Naturally, I called my parents, but they weren’t home. They were most likely out to dinner with my sister, who is in town for the weekend for Fathers’ Day. I thought about who else I could call, but I slowly realized that it was Saturday night and everyone is out for the night. Not only that, but if it were any other night, I don’t know that I would still have anyone to confide in. I realized that so many people confide in me, but I don’t confide with anyone. I rarely ever need to, but I felt like this was the first time I needed to and there was noone there. It just made me really sad and made me feel a little alone.

Thats really all I had to share tonight. I suppose I felt the need to confide in this blog, at least.

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