Bushwacked

I sent this email to my roommates yesterday (except with a lot more typos):

Subject: Please Stop
To: My Roommates
From: Bradley J.

Each morning at approx. 05:45 my alarm goes off, I wake up and turn it off. Most mornings, this is quickly followed by immediately rolling over and falling asleep again for about 20 minutes. I groggily grab my towel as I stumble into the bathroom. I do not bother opening my eyes all the way as I enter. The reason for this is three-fold. It is entirely too bright when I turn the light on for my currently active night vision. I will also be immediately forced to start rubbing my eyes due to the those morning eye krispies in the corners of my eyes. This also gives me the benefit of not seeing any number insects crawling about the floor as I disrobe and brush my teeth in the partial nude.

About two weeks ago, after performing this normal routine, I then sidled over between the bathtub and toilet, pulled the shower curtain to one side and carefully gripped the cold water knob. As I delicately placed the proper amount of pressure on the knob to make certain it was not spinning freely, I quickly turned the knob and moved my hand to the other knob. During this action, the water immediately turned on and like a firehose in my face, I came to the realization that someone had turned the showerhead toward the toilet instead of its default position of straight across. In complete surprise I nearly fell back onto the toilet, but I was able to regain my balance and quickly grabbed the cold water knob and fumbled to turn it off as it spun freely. I gave up and reached to move the showerhead to an acceptable position.

I stood there, completely soaked, water all over the floor in quiet spite.

I recomposed myself and took my shower.

This has happened four times since.

The first time was a fluke. The second through fifth times I was bushwacked!

I’m not pointing fingers. I don’t even want to know who is doing this. All I ask is that this near-daily ambush stop.

Thanks in advance.

Your grumpy roommate,

Bradley J.