I went grocery shopping the other day. Shocking, I know.
I needed to refuel on my condiment of condiments, ketchup. I saw a peculiar looking bottle and opted to purchase it for my abstract culinary purposes. In one more example of human achievement, Heinz has stumbled upon the apex of ketchup bottle evolution. Not only is it upside-down so you don’t have to wait for the ketchup to ooze to the top when pouring, but it also has this sterile white clean cap that does not leak! I make note of this sterile white state because there’s no mess. Mind you, when you squeeze the bottle, the condiment is propelled at such a speed it could put most super soakers to shame, but no fuss, no muss. Whatever that means.
From the Heinz site:
Heinz Turns Ketchup Upside Down!
Now get the same great thick & rich taste of Heinz Tomato Ketchup when you want it and where you want it with Heinz Easy Squeeze!TM The upside-down bottle design ensures that your ketchup is always ready when you are, and the stay-clean cap with control valve gives you total control over where your ketchup goes. Available in two sizes: 20-ounce and 32-ounce.
By the way, don’t buy that organic Heinz ketchup crap they have. Thats what they serve at Legal Seafood and its gross!