Valentine Foreboding

Whenever I see my mom, she usually gives me some sort of candy or food. I think its just so she feels better knowing that I’m at least eating something, even if its not so healthy. I used to forget to eat a lot when I was younger. I picked up the ability to ignore hunger pain while I was in college.

Anyhow, the last time I saw my mom, she gave me a bag of Dove Milk Chocolate hearts for Valentines Day. I ate one today and decided that they were sinfully delicious and then proceeded to eat about 14 more in quick succession. On the inside of the foil wrappers are little messages bearing some sort of Valentine’s Day cheer. I have never been one to be a fervent supporter of such a masochistic holiday, but as I read some of the messages in the wrappings of these little bits of chocolate delight, I was puzzled.

Among the holiday cheer, I came across these joyous bits of text:

  • Remember your first crush.
  • Be your own Valentine.
  • Chocolate always loves you back.

I’m sensing a bit of malcontent among the elves that Dove has writing these foil messages of warmth. Depending on how you read them, they only get more desperate:

  • Discover how much your heart can hold [out]
  • Sleep under the stars tonight [since you have nowhere else to sleep]
  • Share a secret [and ruin a friendship]
  • Go where your heart takes you. [Straight to the bottle]
  • Be a little mysterious. [Put the bottle in a brown paper bag.]

Seriously, Dove. You might want to get your Human Resources department to look into that.

Warm Valentine's Salutations

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